I'm Not Crying For You
by TowMondler
Summary: Monica had to pick between Chandler or someone else. who did she pick?
1. I'm Not Crying for You

I want to write a nice happy fic, because...well, let's just say I had a really, extraordinarily bad day. We ended up running for an hour in the rain at crew, and I just really needed to write something happy, except it's not happy in the beginning, but it gets...oh bother. The song is by Save Ferris.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters...oh except for Annie and , I own her, can you actually own a person? Anyway....

"Mommy?" The little girl asked.

"Hmm?"

"Can you tell me a story?"

"A story? What about baby?"

"A princess!"

"A princess huh? What's this princess's name?"

"Annie."

"Annie? That's your name!"

"I know that silly," she smiled at her mother. "Please?"

"What does this Princess Annie do?" Monica asked.

"She saves her prince."

"Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?"

"I don't want it to be," Annie said.

"Fine, then, Princess Annie saves her prince. From what, may I ask, does she save him from?"

"A dragon."

"A dragon? She saves her prince from a dragon. Why? Doesn't he have a sword?"

"Mommy, you're the one supposed to be telling the story," Annie admonished.

"Oh right."

"Mommy, just tell the story okay." 

"Okay," Monica smiled at her daughter and began telling her the story. Annie fell asleep and Monica kissed her on the forehead and slipped out into the living room. She glanced at her watch and saw that it had taken longer than usual to get her daughter to go to bed tonight. She sighed as she collapsed on the couch and flipped her feet onto the coffee table for her usual nightly ritual. There was a knock on the door and she stretched as she stood up to answer it. It was her best friend Rachel. Her only friend. She had once had a lot of friends. In fact, there had been six of them. They had been as close as any friends can get. 

"Monica! You'll never believe it! Guess who has an interview at Prada?"

"I'm guessing you," Monica said. 

"Right! What should I wear? Can I borrow your black pant suit?"

"Sure, why not?" Monica shrugged and allowed Rachel to race to Monica's room and begin throwing clothes and items onto the floor. Monica allowed herself to wander over to the window and glanced out at the city below. She once stared out at another city. Now she was miles away in a new city with her friend and her daughter. She could have been in New York with her old friends and the possible love of her life...if she hadn't screwed it up. He had been so sweet to her. He had bought her roses and taken her to the symphony and she had fallen. She had fallen hard for him. His name was Anthony. And then there was Chandler....she had loved him....she thought anyway. She had been so confused then. She was so torn between Anthony and Chandler. Why had she chosen Anthony? Why had she broken Chandler's heart for him? Now look where that had gotten her. In Seattle with only Rachel and Annie. Annie looked exactly like her, except for her nose and her eyes, she had gotten them from her father. 

"Here!" Rachel came up from the mass of clothing on the floor triumphant waving the black pantsuit in her hands. "Thanks Monica."

"Your welcome," Monica replied smiling. She owed Rachel so much. Rachel had gave up everything, her life, her friends, and moved to Seattle with Monica. Monica didn't even know how to begin to repay her for what she had done. 

"You okay?" Rachel asked her with a concerned glance in Monica's direction.

"Yeah, fine," Monica said with a wave of her hand to show that she was fine. She wasn't, but she had gotten really good at hiding her feelings.

"What's the matter?" Rachel knew something was wrong. She knew her. 

"I was just thinking," Monica said. 

"About?"

"About Chandler and Anthony. About leaving, I guess I've been thinking a little about everything." Rachel hugged her friend. Four years of these with Monica had taught her to just hold her friend when she was like this. Four years....had it really been that long? Was Annie really that old? Monica could remember when it all started. When she first met Anthony.

__

Five years before:

"I have a date tonight," Monica told her friends.

"What's his name?" Ross asked.

"Anthony," Monica called out from her bedroom.

"Can we meet him?" Chandler asked.

"Um....no."

"Why not?"

"We've been through this before," she replied coming back into the living room. "You don't like anyone I date. So no you will not be meeting Anthony."

"That's just not fair," they had complained. "Let us meet him." But Monica had held her ground. And one date had turned into two and two became three and then four and she finally let her friends meet him. He had been perfect, and charming and wonderful and she had been so proud. She finally had a boyfriend that everyone had loved and she love as well. Two blissful months had passed and Monica had fallen in love with Anthony. That's when everything began to fall apart. Her perfect boyfriend, her perfect life....they came apart at the seams. Anthony broke up with her. He told her that it was just a break. Nothing permanent. Of course he didn't have her experience with breaks. He didn't know about Ross and Rachel's break and she was sure that it was permanent. She saw him a week later with a girl on the subway. It was over in her mind. Her and Anthony were no longer an we, but two separate people. She had cried for days. 

__

Baby listen to me

I've got something to say

I have finally realized 

That I'm wasting my life away

you make so many promises

that's all you ever do

so tonight I'm leaving

and I won't come back to you

Monica had been utterly depressed. She had stayed in her room for two days and when she emerged, her hair was plastered against her head and her eyes were red and puffy from the constant crying. The apartment walls were thin and Rachel could hear her crying herself to sleep every night. Monica had never taken breakups very well, and she had taken this one incredibly hard. Chandler finally had had enough and came over to talk to Monica, snap her out of this funk that she was in.

"Monica, you are a great person, you are so funny and wonderful," he told her. He had said these things a million times before, but for the first time she was hearing them. She leaned forward and captured his lips with hers. He leaned away.

"What are you doing?" He had asked.

"I'm sorry..." she started.

"Don't be," he whispered taking her and kissing her again. It had felt so right, so good. That's where it started. Their love affair was kept a secret from everyone. They felt this was the best thing to do as Ross would ultimately kill Chandler if he found out what was going on between his best friend and little sister. A month, they had been dating for a month when the phone rang and Monica, who was alone at the time, ran to answer it.

"Monica?" It was Anthony.

"Anthony?" She had been so shocked that she had to sit down. 

"Monica? Can we talk?" She should have screamed no. She should have hung the phone up right then and there. She should have never agreed to lunch with him. She should have forgotten that Anthony existed. But she told him to meet her in an hour at the restaurant down the street. Monica actually had no aspirations to meet with him again. She didn't want anything to do with him anymore. So why did she agree to see him again? 

__

doesn't really matter

what you have to say

cause you know it won't bring us back

won't bring back yesterday

Cause I'm not crying for you 

I'm not crying for you tonight

so please listen when I say

there's no way I will stay

He told her that he loved her. That he needed her. She was his everything and he had been so stupid to let her go. She listened and in her mind she had pros and con columns for both Anthony and Chandler. Chandler's pro column was almost twice as large as Anthony's, but... Oh, how she hated that but. She wanted it to be cut and dry. She wanted to be able to say to him that she loved Chandler and not him. But there was a spark there. An undeniable spark between the two of them that Monica just couldn't get past. So she kissed him. It had been impulsive. Just like when she had kissed Chandler. It had had happened all at once and she just kissed him for no good reason. 

"So does that mean that I've been forgiven?" Anthony asked. Monica nodded and he smiled as he kissed her again. As he took her to his apartment and made love to her she had just one nagging thought racing through her head. 

What do I tell Chandler?

Monica had left Anthony's apartment a few hours later and went home to talk to Chandler. She was dreading this talk. She had already regretted seeing Anthony again. She had cheated on Chandler. She had never thought that that was possible. But it had happened. She had slept with someone else. Maybe they could just talk about this rationally and calmly. She opened the door to her apartment and found not Chandler, but Rachel. Before she knew what happened, Monica was in Rachel's arms confessing the whole thing. Her and Chandler sleeping together and then her sleeping with Anthony.

"Oh Rachel! What do I do?" She had cried.

"Shush," Rachel whispered holding her sobbing best friend. "We'll fix this. I promise. Everything will be okay." 

"How?" Monica wailed. "How will it be okay?"

"Mon, you have to chose. You have to chose between Anthony and Chandler. Which one do you want?" The truth was that Monica wanted them both. The truth was she knew that she wanted Chandler, but Anthony provided the dangerous relationship, something that she had never been in before. She wanted to take a turn with Anthony and have Chandler waiting for her. She knew this was ridiculous. She knew that she had to chose one or the other or lose them both. She knew that either way she was breaking a heart and probably either way she was breaking her own heart. 

"Do you know what you're going to do?" Rachel asked. 

"I have to try to work things out with Anthony," Monica said nodding. Rachel offered her support, but wanted to yell at her. She was making the wrong choice and anyone could see that. Rachel didn't tell Monica what the gang really thought of Anthony. She should have. She should have confessed all. But the look in Monica's eyes was telling her that her friend needed support, not criticism. Rachel knew this was all going end disastrously. Monica had to learn by herself and needed to make her own mistakes. If only Rachel would have known how big of a mistake it was going to be she would have stopped her. 

__

should have known that 

things would have turn out this way

should have listened to 

all things my friends would say

How could you say you loved me?

Well, I know that wasn't true

you were never thinking of me

because you were too much in love with you

Monica dated Anthony for another two weeks before she found out that he was cheating on her. Chandler wasn't talking to her, and neither was Joey or Phoebe. Somehow she knew that she deserved the silent treatment, but her heart was broken. She had made the wrong choice. She did the only thing that she could think of. She decided to move to somewhere else. Anywhere else. As long as it wasn't New York. She found a job in Seattle and left a note for Chandler, said goodbye to Rachel and Ross and flew out a week later to Seattle. She found an apartment and made some new friends, but she still hurt and she was a thousand miles from anything or anyone that was a comfort to her. She found herself becoming violently ill and then she would be fine. Monica bought a pregnancy test, and was surprised to see the results. She was pregnant and alone. She called Rachel and cried on the phone to her best friend across the country.

"Monica? I'm going to move there and take care of you and help you take care of the baby," Rachel told her. 

"No, I can't make you do that," Monica told her.

"Don't think about it. I want to do this for you," Rachel said and that was the end of the argument and a few months later, after Rachel had tied some lose ends in New York, she came and joined a three month pregnant Monica. 

"Do you know who the father is?" Rachel had asked. 

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," Monica told her. And she was sure. She knew exactly who the father was. And he would never know. Because she wasn't going to tell him. Ever. 

__

doesn't really matter

what you have to say

cause you know it won't bring us back

won't bring back yesterday

Cause I'm not crying for you 

I'm not crying for you tonight

so please listen when I say

that there's no way that I will stay

know that I'm not crying for you

Present:

"So this is okay if I take this?" Rachel asked Monica again. 

"Go ahead," Monica said. "Good luck." 

"Thanks," Rachel gave Monica a quick kiss on the cheek and disappeared out of the apartment and Monica sighed again as she sat on the couch. No one but her and Rachel knew about Annie. Not even Ross knew. Monica knew that Rachel missed their friends, she sure did. 

"Mommy!" Annie called from her bedroom and Monica raced in.

"What's the matter sweet girl?" Monica asked taking her crying daughter into her arms.

"I had a bad dream."

"I'm sorry baby, want to spend the night with me?"

"Can I?" Annie asked.

"Sure," Monica picked her up and carried her into her own bedroom. She tucked Annie in and then slipped into her pajamas and got into bed too. 

"Better?" Monica asked. 

"Thanks Mommy," Annie told her sleepily.

"You better go to bed now," Monica told her. "You have a big day tomorrow. It's your field trip to the zoo." Annie nodded and soon after fell asleep. Monica was glad to have Annie with her because she had really not wanted to be alone that night. She kissed the back of her daughter's head. She smoothed down some of Annie's dark curls and fell asleep herself. 

The next morning was just as crazy as usual. Monica hurried them out of the apartment and got Annie to preschool just in time for her field trip. Monica then hurried to work and sighed in knowledge of the long day ahead of her. 

"Monica?" A voice broke through her thoughts. 

"Yeah?" She turned from the stove and faced her coworker.

"There's someone to see you." 

"Send them back," Monica said thinking that it was Rachel. She was supposed to stop by after her interview. 

"Hello Monica," a familiar voice said. It brought back a parade of memories, both good and bad. It took her a moment to turn around and take the person standing in front of her in. 

"Hi Chandler." 

__

Making empty promises

is all you do

You say that you will change

buts that's just not true

so please listen when I say

that I must find better way

there's no need for me to stay

here with you another day

so just stop all the lying

They got a cup of coffee and sat down to talk.

"What are you doing in Seattle?" Monica asked.

"I had a business trip and I thought that I would look you and Rachel up." 

"Oh." There was an uncomfortable silence. Things that needed to be said hung over them as well as things that shouldn't have been said. 

"So how are you?" He asked. He was trying to make small talk. It was hard to make small talk with a woman you hate, Monica thought. 

"I'm okay," she said. "You?"

"Fine."

"Dating anyone?"

"No." There was a pause. Monica was relieved to know that he wasn't dating anyone. "You?" She laughed. Romantic interests were the farthest things from her mind. 

"No."

"Oh." Silence again. "How's Rachel?"

"Good, she had an interview with Prada today."

"Is she dating anyone?" Monica nodded.

"His name is Todd. He's a nice guy. He reminds me of Joey." She smiled as she thought about Joey. "How are they?"

"They're good. They miss you."

"Even me?" It was an honest question. They hadn't exactly given her a fond farewell. She hadn't exactly deserved it. 

"Yes, even you," he told her. 

"I'm sorry Chandler. If that changes anything or makes anything better."

"It doesn't."

"I figured."

"It wasn't all your fault Mon." He had called her Mon. He hadn't called her Mon in years. Another thing to add to the list of things she missed. 

"Oh no?" She gave a small laugh.

"No, it was Anthony's fault too." She nodded. It was. But it still had been her choice. She was still the one who chose Anthony over Chandler. She was the one who screwed up. Anthony was just a jerk who precipitated it. She had screwed up. Was Chandler being here a sign that she could fix things? Was this her second chance? She couldn't get her hopes up. Not just to get shut down again. She had lost everything and that wouldn't and couldn't change. 

"Yes. But I'm still sorry."

"I know."

"You do?"

"Yes. I know that you're sorry."

"But it doesn't make things better does it?"

"Not really no."

"I'm sorry for that too."

"I know." More silence. It was as if that was the only thing that they could do. Talk for a little while and then have silence. Her cell phone rang and she answered. 

"Is she okay? No, I'll be right there." She hung up the phone and began gathering her things.

"Is everything all right?" Chandler asked.

"I have to go," she told him. 

"What's the matter?" He tried again.

"My daughter was on a field trip and got hurt," she said. "I have to go." She ran out of the cafe leaving Chandler's head reeling. She had a daughter. 

__

cause tonight I won't be crying for you

and I'm not crying for you

I'm not crying for you tonight

so please listen when I say there's no way that I will stay

no I'm not crying for you

I'm not crying for you tonight

so please listen when I say that there's no way that I will stay

no I'm not crying, no, no I'm not crying for you 

I'm not crying for you

I'm not crying for you

*~ I will try to post the next chapter as fast as I can. Please review!!!!!!! It would really brighten my sucky day*~


	2. Better off without you

*~ Thanks for reviewing the last chapter, and yes my day got better. The song in this chapter is by The Clarks. They're a Pittsburgh band, my cousin lives there and loves them. She sent me the CD and they're really, really good! Anyway, here's the next chapter. It's from Chandler's point of view.~*

Disclaimer: The characters belong not to me.

Chandler came home from work and dropped his keys on the counter skimming the note from his roommate Joey. 

"Chandler, had a date. Won't be home. Joey." 

Short and sweet as per usual. Chandler was looking forward to another lonely evening thinking back on his bad luck. He had loved a woman. He had loved her with all of his heart. Looked what happened. She left him for someone else. Maybe she was never his in the first place. No, that wasn't true. For a perfect moment she had been his. He hadn't had many dates since Monica. Joey tried to get him out. 

"It's been five years man," he said to Chandler. But Chandler preferred to dive into his work and forget about the pain. Not like that was easy. He thought about her all the time. He convinced himself that she had hurt him and that he didn't want anything to do with her. But he did. He wanted to see her again. He wanted to forgive her and hug her and tell her that they both had been stupid. But somehow when he picked up the phone he just remembered how angry at her he still was. He would just place the phone back into the receiver and put on a movie to make him forget. He had always had somewhat of a school boy crush on Monica. She was so beautiful and funny and he couldn't see why no man had snatched her up yet. Then she met Anthony. He had liked Anthony, he thought that he would maybe be good for Monica. He was so wrong.

Five years before:

"Come on Monica," Chandler joined in with his friends. "Let us meet him!"

"No," she responded.

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because you are mean to men I date," she said.

"That is absolutely not true," he defended himself.

"Oh really?"

"Really."

"The answer is still no."

"Come on Monica!" It was no use arguing. Once she had made up her mind that was it. There was no changing it. She was so stubborn. So she went out on the date with him and then finally agreed to letting her friends meet him. They had of course, had a talk before he came where Monica reminded them of the bodily harm she could and would inflict on them if they were mean. Anthony, however, had been charming and so sweet to Monica. If Chandler had to accept defeat, he could to Anthony. He was perfect for her. Then one day Chandler came home to find her curled in a ball on the couch.

"Monica?" She glanced up, her face stained with tears. "Are you okay?"

"Anthony broke up with me," she cried. Chandler hurried over and took her in his arms. 

"It's going to be okay," he whispered in his most soothing voice. He knew that she must be devastated. But he didn't know what else to do but hold her and hope things got better. 

"He was with a girl," she wailed. "I saw him with a girl."

"Oh sweetie," Chandler whispered pushing the dark hair out of her face. 

"Chandler, I loved him."

"I know you did." Chandler wanted to kill Anthony for hurting her like this.

"He said it was just a break." They both gave a chuckle. They knew what that meant. 

"He doesn't deserve you." He always told her that. Somehow it seemed she believed him when he said it. He would repeat it until his voice was raw for her to get the message. She was perfect and they didn't deserve her if they didn't see it. 

"What happens now?" She wailed. "I can't get over him."

"Sure you can."

"I don't think I can."

"It'll be okay." 

"You keep saying that."

"Because it will be."

"It doesn't seem like it right now."

"But it will." He left her and knew that she would not get over this for a while. This would be worse than Richard's breakup. He hated Anthony for doing this. He felt so bad for Monica. And there was nothing he could do. 

__

You are sultry, dirty, soft and hard

you are close to me and you're so far

and I'm thinking of the time we spent together

Now I'll bury this in my backyard 

Sometimes I sit and wonder 

But I'll never dial your number 'cause 

I'm having fun looking out for number one 

And I'm doing all the things I like to do 

I'm having fun 'cause I knew it all along 

I'd be better off without you 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," Monica said. It was a week later. She was still crying herself to sleep and the gang was worried about her. 

"Don't be," Chandler assured her. He kissed her. It was perfect, it was wonderful. He felt as if fireworks were exploding behind them and the stars were aligning as they kissed. They made it to the bedroom where they made love. Something that Chandler had dreamt about for years. It was just as perfect as he thought it would be. She was just as perfect as he thought she would be. 

"Maybe we shouldn't tell Ross, not yet," Monica told him one night while they were lying in bed. 

"He'll get mad if everyone else knows and not him," Chandler pointed out. 

"So maybe no one has to know," Monica suggested. 

"That's not a bad idea," Chandler said. His days were filled with thoughts of her and his nights were filled with her. For a month. For a perfect month she was his. Then he came home to find her pacing back and forth, her eyes were red and she had been crying. 

"Are you okay?" He asked. She shook her head. 

"I need to talk to you," she told him. He sat down on the chair that she pointed to and listened to her. She spilled her heart out. She told him that she had met up with Anthony and they were getting back together. He half heard her tell him that she never meant to hurt him and that she was sorry. He couldn't really care. All he heard was that he had lost her. Just that repeating through his head. You lost her. You lost her. You lost her. 

"I guess I should go," she whispered after he was not responding. He vaguely remembered nodding and her slipping out of the apartment. Joey had come home to find him still in the chair. 

"What's the matter?" Joey asked. And out came the story. The whole story came pouring out. 

"Are you going to be okay?" Joey asked with concern. 

"I don't know." 

"Do you want to be alone right now?"

"No."

"Then I'll stay." 

Monica broke up with Anthony two weeks later. It was bound to happen. He cheated on her. Chandler could have told her that that was going to happen. He was too hurt to notice that she was crying herself. That she was hurting just as much as him. He was too wrapped up in his own anger and pain. She left a few weeks later. Left him a letter that he never read, but didn't have the heart to throw away. A few months later, Rachel announced that she was leaving too. She was moving out to Seattle with Monica. Their group had come apart. Chandler got a letter in the mail from Monica, but just like her first letter, he didn't read it, but couldn't throw it away. It sat with the first one under his bed in a box. Her lovely handwriting scribbled his name across the front. 

"Are you okay?" His friends would ask. Chandler would come up with some excuse why he was fine but didn't want to go out. He kept doing this until they stopped asking him to go out. He never admitted that he missed her. She had broken his heart too badly to admit that he wanted her back. She had hurt him too deeply to call her and tell her that he missed her. So the years passed and he thought about her, but convinced himself that he was better off without her. 

__

You are guilty, pretty, high and low 

You're a place to stay and a time to go 

And I'm searching through the things you left behind here 

Now it's time for me to let it go 

Sometimes I sit and wonder 

But I'll never dial that number 'cause 

I'm having fun looking out for number one 

And I'm doing all the things I like to do 

I'm having fun 'cause I knew it all along 

I'd be better off without you 

_Present:_

They asked him to take a business trip to Seattle. He didn't know what to tell them. He really didn't want to. But instead he agreed and found himself on a plane to where she was. He had made up his mind to try to find her. He figured it was a big city and the chances of finding her were slim to none. But he could give it a try so that he could at least say that he tried to find her. He was shocked when he got an address and telephone number. He went to her apartment and the neighbor told him that she was at work and gave him the name of the restaurant. He took a deep breath and pushed open the doors.

"Is Monica Geller here?" He asked. The girl nodded.

"Let me go get her." 

"Okay." She had come back out a few minutes later.

"She says to go back," she told him. He nodded and walked back. He was about to come face to face with her. 

"Hello Monica." She turned around and the look on her face was one that paralleled someone seeing a ghost. 

"Hi Chandler." She said setting her hand down and putting it on the stove. She cried out in pain and ran to the sink where she rinsed her hand off. 

"You okay?" He asked her. She nodded biting her lip. 

"Want to go grab a coffee?" She asked. 

"Sure, know somewhere good?" He asked. 

"I know just the place," she said smiling grabbing her coat. She told the girl that she would be back and left with Chandler in tow. They got to the cafe and sat down and ordered their drinks making small talk. It was forced conversation, but it was the first conversation that they had had in five years. That was something at least. 

__

Better off without you

Late at night you pick up the telephone 

Call me up and cry 'cause you're all alone I don't care 

Apologize for taking my cigarettes 

Now it's time to feel all the side effects 

Missing the life you had 

Her phone rang and she answered and her face dropped. 

"I have to go," she told him. 

"What's the matter?" He tried again.

"My daughter was on a field trip and got hurt," she said. "I have to go." She ran out of the cafe leaving Chandler's head reeling. She had a daughter. It took him a second before he hopped up out of his seat and ran after her. She was flagging a cab. He got in with her. She looked a mess.

"You have a daughter?" He asked. 

"Yes."

"How old is she?"

"Four."

"What's her name?"

"Annie." Monica was biting her lip. A sign that she was nervous. Or worried, but in this case Chandler figured scared. 

"What happened?"

"She was at the zoo and tripped and fell," Monica said. "She hit her head off the metal bars and they think her arm is broken. She probably has a concussion too." 

"So she's going to be okay?"

"I hope so," Monica said and he could see her struggling to hold back tears that were threatening to fall. "Oh God Chandler. If something happens to her...." She began to cry. He did the first thing that came to his mind. He held her in his arms. 

"She's going to be fine," Chandler said. "I promise." They pulled up to the hospital and Monica rushed out. Chandler followed close behind. 

"Annie Geller? She's my daughter."

"Wait right here ma'am," the receptionist told her. Monica nodded and tapped her foot impatiently. "You can go back and see her." Monica waited just long enough for her to tell her where Annie was before she took off back there. 

"You can go see your daughter too sir," the receptionist told Chandler. Chandler didn't have the strength to correct her so just went where Monica had run off to. He found Monica sitting next to a bed with a little girl in it. The little girl looked so much like her it was amazing. She had a little cast on it.

"Can I get it signed Mommy?" She asked Monica.

"Sure sweetheart," Monica answered leaning over and giving her a kiss on the top of the head. "Are you sure that you're okay?"

"I'm fine," she answered. 

"You gave Mommy a heart attack," Monica told Annie.

"Sorry Mommy," Annie replied. Chandler noticed something about Annie. Her ears. They looked like....He ran to the pay phone and called Joey. 

"Joey?" 

"Hey man, how's Seattle?" 

"Fine, I need you to do me a favor," Chandler said. 

"What?"

"I need you to find a box under my bed and in it is a letter," Chandler instructed. There was some shuffling before Joey told him that he found it.

"I need you to send it to me," Chandler said. "As fast as you can." 

__

Now I'm having fun

looking out for number one

and I'm doing all the things I like to do 

and I'm having fun

because I knew it all along

I'd be better off without you

better off without you

better off without you

*~ Please review and I'll try to get the next part up as soon as I can! Please, please review!*~


	3. Woulda Coulda Shoulda

*~Hello children, here is the next chapter. The song is by Taj Mahal and the Phantom Blues Band...yes that's actually a group. The song is on the "Someone Like You" soundtrack. Anyway....

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the song

"Why?" Joey asked when Chandler told him to overnight the letter if he had to. 

__

"Just please, Joe," Chandler pleaded. "Just please do what I'm asking you to do." Joey obliged and hung up the phone and went to the post office to send the letters to Chandler. Chandler went back down the hall to where Monica and Annie were. 

"Monica?" He said softly. Annie was coloring, her dark curly hair spread all over the pillow propped up behind her. 

"Oh, I didn't think you were still here," she said quietly. "I'll be right back sweetie." She gave Annie a kiss on the forehead and walked out into the hallway with Chandler. 

"I was just leaving," he told her. 

"Oh."

"I hope she feels better," Chandler said.

"Thanks," Monica said smiling as she glanced back at her daughter. "She's excited about getting the cast signed." Chandler smiled back.

"I was wondering if you and I and Rachel could grab something to eat tomorrow," Chandler asked knowing there was a pretty good chance that she would say no. He braced himself for a rejection. He had that skill down.

"Sure," she said. She handed him her address. "Rachel! I have to call Rachel! Bye Chandler." She raced back inside and grabbed her cell phone.

"Bye Mon," he whispered to the closed door. He turned away and walked out of the hospital holding the slip of paper with her address on it in his grip. He couldn't let this happen to him again. He couldn't fall for her. He was just going to end up getting hurt. 

Monica had raced back in to grab her phone and quickly dialed Rachel's number.

"Rachel Green," was the usual answer.

"Rach?"

"Monica? Where are you? I went to your house and tried the restaurant and they said that you had left a while ago," Rachel said.

"I'm at the hospital," Monica answered.

"Are you okay? Is Annie okay?"

"I'm fine, Annie broke her arm."

"But she's okay?"

"She should be," Monica said.

"I'll be right down," Rachel told her.

"Thanks Rachel," Monica rubbed her temples.

"No problem, see you in little while," Rachel hung up the phone and Monica sighed and sat on the chair next to the bed. 

"Oh Annie," she whispered. 

"Mommy? Can I get a puppy?"

"You never quit on the puppy do you?"

"No. So can I?"

"We'll see," Monica told her sitting on the chair next to the bed. Annie was happily coloring a book. The day's events had finally hit her. Seeing Chandler, getting the call about Annie. Everything had come crashing together. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep when she heard Rachel calling her name. 

"Mon?" She blinked her eyes open.

"Hi," Monica said sitting up and yawning. "What time is it?"

"It's four."

"Oh," Monica said. 

"Mommy fell asleep," Annie told Rachel. "I let her sleep because she looked tired."

"Thanks baby," Monica said smiling. "The doctor said that we can take her home soon but we have to wake her up every hour tonight." Rachel nodded.

"I'll stay over and help," she offered. Monica took her hand and squeezed it.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," Rachel said. "Hey baby girl, can I sign your cast?" Annie nodded and held out her arm for Rachel to sign. 

"Oh Rach? Chandler's taking us out for dinner tomorrow night," Monica figured she'd casually slip it into the conversation. 

"What?" She knew that would be the reaction.

"I said that Chandler's in town and taking us out to dinner tomorrow."

"I hate to be repetitive, but...what?" Rachel turned around. 

"I know, but he came to the restaurant today and we got some coffee and then the hospital called and he took me here, and asked us to dinner," Monica said.

"You said yes?"

"Of course I said yes!" Rachel shook her head. 

"Give me a minute, this is a lot to take," she told Monica. "You hate him."

"I don't hate him! I was just angry with him for awhile," Monica hissed.

"Monica, please. You hated him for not showing up." 

"Oh bite me," Monica replied. "Chandler, our old friend, is taking us out to dinner. It's not that big of a deal."

"Easy for you to say," Rachel scoffed. "You were here when it all came together." Monica sighed. 

"I'm going to ask the doctor if we can take her home. I'll be back," she stated and walked out of the room. She needed some air. It had been a long day. It would be an even longer week she could tell. 

__

You know I love you baby

and I don't nobody else

but I wonder

if I'd done it different for myself

don't want no changes

no changes between me and you

ain't no need for me thinking

what I coulda, woulda should do

Joey had done his job and the letter arrived at Chandler's hotel room the next morning. Chandler ripped it open and then ripped open the envelope that had so long been sealed. He began to read the neat lettering across the page. 

"Dear Chandler, I don't know if you'll read this. Rachel said that you didn't read the last letter. It's worth a shot though, and Rachel said that I had to write, and there's something I need to tell you, and I can only summon the courage once so I hope that you can forgive me and read this letter. Anyway, I'm pregnant. That's why Rachel moved out here. But Chandler, the reason I'm writing this to you is because the baby is yours. There is no doubt in my mind that it's not. The date the doctor said the baby was probably conceived was when I was with you. If you don't want to be a part of the baby's life, then don't come here, don't call. Ever. But if you do, then please pick up the phone. Ross has my number. Love, Monica." 

"Oh my God," Chandler whispered sinking to the ground the letter still clutched in his hands. He had a daughter. No wonder Annie's ears and eyes had looked so familiar. They were his. They were miniature replicas of his. Monica should hate him. She should be so incredibly angry with him. Instead at lunch the day before she had apologized. She was sorry for what had happened. He was the one who left her alone and pregnant. Why had he been so stubborn and not read the letter? What had he been trying to prove? He wasn't ready to be a father then, still wasn't now, but Annie was his and he should have been there. He would talk to Monica that night. Make her see that he was sorry and that he had never read the letter, because if he had...Oh God, he had screwed up this time. By not opening a letter he had missed four years of his daughter's life. But Monica....she didn't try to call. Just one letter. One lousy letter that could have gotten lost in the mail to tell him probably the most important news of his life. They had a lot to talk about. This dinner was going to be interesting. 

Monica woke up Annie for the last time and smiled at her sleepy daughter.

"Mommy, can I sleep the whole night tonight?" Monica laughed.

"Yes sweetie, you can," Monica told her giving her a hug. "Mommy is going out tonight so Christine is going to watch you."

"Really?" 

"Yes," Monica said. "Come on, let's get you dressed." Annie hopped out of bed and onto the floor. She ran to the dresser and pulled out a blue dress.

"Can I wear this?"

"Sure," Monica helped her get dressed and then pulled her hair into braided pigtails. Little curls escaped and framed Annie's face. They walked out into the living room where Rachel was folding the blankets from her sleep on the couch.

"Morning Aunt Rachel," Annie ran to her and jumped into her outstretched arms. 

"Hi Ann," Rachel said. "Ready for the day?"

"Yep, and guess what Christine is watching me tonight."

"I think you love her more than you love me," Monica teased her daughter. There was a knock on the door and Monica went to answer it. Chandler was standing there.

"Chandler?"

"I needed to talk to you," he told her. 

"Oh, okay, hey Rach? Can you watch Annie for a little bit?" 

"Sure, hi Chandler," she waved to her old friend.

"Hi Rachel," he smiled at her. Then his attention turned to the little girl in the blue dress that matched her eyes. "Hi, Annie, right?" She nodded. 

"Let me grab my purse," Monica told him and grabbed it from the counter and left with him. They went to a small restaurant and grabbed a table.

"What did you want to talk about?" She asked.

"I finally read your letter," he replied softly.

"You didn't read it until now?" She asked astonished. "So you didn't not want anything to do with Annie...you just....never read it?" 

"I'm so sorry Mon," he said. "I was angry at you and I just threw it in the box with your other letters." She was stunned. She had never expected this.

"You never read it?" She asked. 

"If I would have known Mon, I would have done things differently," he assured her. 

"You never read it?" She repeated. "You just never read it?" 

"I'm sorry." She shook her head.

"I need some air," she told him standing up and walking out of the restaurant. He quickly paid the bill and ran out after her. 

"Monica! Wait," he ran to her. She turned around. "If you hate me that's okay."

"I don't hate you," she told him. "I should have called, but I just....I wasn't going to tell you in the first place and Rachel talked me into it, but I couldn't stand to hear you say that you didn't want her....so I just....I wrote the letter and sent it hoping that you got it."

"I wish I would have opened it," he told her. "I'd give anything to be able to go back and open it." She nodded. 

"I wrote more letters. Letters about Annie, but I figured you never tried to contact me, so I wouldn't try to contact you. I was so angry with you for awhile. So upset that you didn't call or come or something. I...then I just became sad. I missed you." The last part was said so quietly he wasn't sure if he had actually heard it. 

"You missed me?"

"Yes, Chandler, I should have never picked Anthony," she admitted. "I'd give anything to go back and pick you. You were the one I wanted. I was scared. Five years later, and you finally know. It wasn't that I loved him more, it was that I was scared." She rubbed her arms and walked away leaving him watching her retreating figure. 

__

life does what it wants to

no matter how you plan

it's give or take to make it

or a silent stand

don't know want no changes

no changes between me and you

ain't no need for me wondering

what I coulda, woulda, should do

Chandler came back that night to the apartment and found that despite what had gone on that day between them, Monica was dressed and ready to go to dinner. Rachel was equally dressed up and waiting for him. Annie and her babysitter were sitting on the couch watching a movie. 

"I didn't know if you were coming," Monica admitted. 

"Neither did I. Ready to go?" She nodded. Rachel hugged her old friend.

"Missed you," she told him.

"You too Rach," he said hugging her back. "Lets go." They walked out of the apartment and met Rachel's boyfriend Todd, who was coming with them, at the restaurant. When they sat down, Chandler surprised Monica by ordering for her. Something he always used to do, but she was shocked he still knew what she wanted to get. He smiled at her. Maybe things would get better. 

"I wanted to ask," he leaned over and whispered to her. "If I could get to know Annie." She was equally surprised by this, but nodded.

"If you want," she replied.

"I do."

"Okay then," she smiled at him. "Stop by tomorrow." He nodded.

"Thanks Monica." 

"You're welcome," she whispered back. Just because he's coming to see Annie, Monica reminded herself. Does not mean anything will happen between the two of us. We grew apart. We were never meant to be in the first place. She kept repeating this to herself, but somewhere inside of her, there was a small amount of hope. Don't do this to yourself, she thought. Don't get your hopes up just to have them crushed again. She knew that it was too late though. She already had her hopes up. 

__

You know I love you baby

and I don't want nobody else

I can't help but wondering if I 

done it different for myself

don't want no changes

no changes between me and you

ain't no need for me thinking

what I coulda, woulda, should do

*~ Please review, please review! That's all I have to say. And look, there's not really a cliffhanger this time! Aren't you happy?~*


	4. I Don't Know How to Say Goodbye to You

*~Thanks for reviewing! This is the next part and the song is by Sam Phillips. Please review again!*~

Disclaimer: The characters or the song don't belong to me....sigh....

__

Chandler took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Monica pulled it open and smiled at him.

"I was worried you might back out," she confessed. 

"I was going to," he admitted. 

"Come in," she told him moving aside.

"Did you tell Annie who I was?" He asked. She shook her head. 

"No," she said. "I was going to once you came. I didn't wan to get her hopes up if you weren't going to show up." He nodded and took a deep breath for the second time. "Nervous?"

"Beyond belief," he let out his breath with a sigh. 

"Don't be. I'll go get her," Monica gestured to a seat for him to sit and then disappeared down the hall. She knocked on Annie's door. 

"Annie? Sweetheart, there's someone here to see you," she told her. "But first I need to tell you something." Annie placed her doll down and sat on her mother's lap. 

"What is it Mommy?" She asked. 

"There's a man out there. He came to see you, and he was my friend. His name is Chandler. He's your dad." 

"My dad came to see me?" Annie hopped off her lap. "I knew he'd come! I knew he would! Can I go meet him? Can I go see him? Does he look like me?" Monica had to smile at her exuberance, but she prayed that her daughter's hopes wouldn't be crushed if Chandler wasn't what Annie had hoped. 

"Sure," Monica said taking her hand and leading her out into the living room where Chandler was nervously fiddling with one of Annie's toys. Monica cleared her throat and Chandler glanced up. He smiled at Monica and her smile eased his worries. She had always had that calming effect on him. Even now, even when they weren't together. 

"Hi Annie," Chandler said smiling at the little girl.

"Hi," she suddenly became very shy and hid behind her mother. 

"Come here sweet girl," Monica said picking her up and carrying her over to where Chandler was sitting. She sat down with Annie on her lap.

"My name is Chandler," he introduced himself. 

"Are you going to be around?" She asked. 

"If you want," he said and grinned at Monica. Tears filled in her eyes. This is what she had been missing.

"I want to," Annie said smiling. She leaned forward and wrapped her good arm and her arm in the cast around his neck in a tight embrace. Monica let go and Chandler, taken back at first, returned the hug. Monica excused herself and ran to the bathroom. This was not going to turn out good, she knew. She was sure that either her or Annie, or both of them were going to get hurt. She just knew. Why had she agreed to this? 

Chandler was getting to know his daughter and loving every minute of it. She was perfect. She was...well, she was exactly like her mother. She even laughed like Monica. 

"I like things neat ," Annie confessed. "Aunt Rachel said that I got that from Mommy." Chandler laughed. 

"I'm sure that you did," he told her. 

"Mommy loves it when I pick up after myself," Annie told him skipping into the kitchen and stopping at the counter. "Chandler? Can you get me a cookie?" 

"Trying to steal cookies Ann?" Monica asked stepping out into the room with them. 

"Mommy, please just one?" Annie ran to her mother and pulled on her arm, a sure fire way to get what she wanted.

"Just one, or else you won't eat your lunch," Monica relented. Annie sat at the counter with her cookies and milk and Monica sat on the chair opposite where Chandler was sitting.

"She's great Mon," he told her.

"I know," Monica replied. 

"Can we...I mean tomorrow...would it be okay for the three of us to go to the circus? It's in town. Are you busy?" He was nervous. Still. But now it was because he didn't want to lose either one of them. They had definitely had him around their little fingers. Both mother and daughter. 

"That would be okay," she said against the voice fighting in her head. Don't let him in. You'll get hurt. He's not here to stay. You're going to get hurt. She didn't listen. She never did. 

__

I don't know how to say goodbye to you

I'm not good at things that I don't want to do

should I pretend that I don't care

you don't feel what I feel is there

I don't know how to say goodbye

After they came home from the circus the next day, Monica set her bag down on the table and Chandler carried a sleeping Annie in his arms. Monica untied the balloon around Annie's small wrist and tied it to the kitchen stool. Chandler carried Annie into her bedroom and laid her on the bed, he stood back as Monica undressed her and got her into her pajamas. Annie woke up briefly and Monica told her to go back to sleep and she obliged. Monica tucked the blankets around her and kissed her forehead. She walked out of the room with Chandler following and flipped off the lights. 

"So..." she said. "Want some coffee?"

"Sure," he smiled. "Decaf." She nodded and he sat in the living room as she got the coffee ready. She came out and handed him a glass. She sat on the chair beside the couch. 

"Today was nice," she hated making small talk. Her and Chandler never used to have to make small talk. Conversations used to come naturally and easily with them. 

"Yeah," he agreed. "It was."

"Annie seemed to have fun," Monica took a sip of the coffee.

"Mon?" He used Mon. She was in trouble. This was going to be a talk. She wasn't ready for a talk. She wasn't sure what she wanted, but she was almost positive it wasn't a talk. 

"Yes?" She held onto the coffee cup as if it was her support system. As if she was drowning and it was her raft. 

"What happens now?" It was the question that she didn't want to be asked. This was exactly why you didn't have talks.

"I don't know," she admitted.

"I don't want to lose Annie," he said. He left the part about not wanting to lose her unspoken. He had no idea how she felt. He had fallen hard again, but he could see that she was fighting. She didn't want to fall in love again too quickly. Chandler understood. She had more than just her to think about. She had Annie too. 

"I know," she practically whispered it. It was now or never. It was time to fess up. Both wanted to, and now it just took one of them to have the courage and step up and just let themselves fall. 

"Monica?" They had been leaning forward and they were inches away. 

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to kiss me?" It was an obvious question and she began to giggle. She didn't know why, but once she had started, she couldn't stop and began to laugh harder. Chandler at first didn't see what was so funny and then replayed the words in his head and began laughing as well. 

"I'm sorry," Monica said holding up her hand as the tears fell down her face. She was turning red from laughing. Chandler wiped the tears from his eyes as they both began to calm down. 

"Should we try that again?" Chandler asked. Monica nodded and leaned in farther and farther until her lips met his. It became deeper and deeper and Monica began to forget where she was. That always happened when she kissed Chandler. It was as if everything else dropped out of sight and left just the two of them together. 

"Monica?" Chandler's voice broke through her thoughts and brought her back to reality. She looked up. "Do you want to move this to your bedroom?" She nodded breathlessly. He picked her up in his arms and took her to the room next to Annie's and laid her in bed and began to undress her. She threw her arm to the side and fumbled before she found the lamp and flicked it off. 

__

I don't know how to say goodbye to you

I'm not good at things that I don't want to do

should I pretend that I don't care

you don't feel what I feel is there

I don't know how to say goodbye

Monica woke up with strong arms wrapped tightly around her waist. It had been a long time since that had happened. She turned slightly to her left and saw Chandler. She remembered at once what had happened and sat up quickly causing Chandler to wake up. 

"Monica? What's the matter?" She looked down at him. 

"Annie will be up soon," Monica told him and got out of bed and threw on a robe and went into the kitchen. She made a pot of coffee. That's what she needed right then, just a nice cup of coffee to put things in perspective. 

"Monica?" Chandler emerged wearing flannel pants and a t-shirt. "Are you okay?" 

"I....I don't know," she admitted. She didn't know where to begin to tell him what was going on in her head. A million things were running around. The biggest thought, the biggest question was the one that she asked next. "What happens now?" 

"I don't know," Chandler told her honestly sitting down. It was a valid question, it really was. He had no idea of what was going to happen between the two of them. They had lost so much time. It would be impossible to just pick up where they left off before Anthony came back. And there was Annie. She had just gotten her father, she couldn't lose him again. But Chandler was in love with Monica. He had always been and he would be forever. Regardless of what happened. The choice, he feared, was all hers. It would be her who decided whether this was going to work or not. 

"Chandler," she said quietly. "I can't take losing you again."

"I know," he told her. 

"But I still....I don't want to get hurt. I've been hurt enough times to know that I don't want that to happen again," she added. 

"What are you saying Monica?"

"Maybe we should just be friends," she finally decided. "We can work out a visiting schedule for Annie and we can just be friends." He felt his heart break as the words came out of her pretty mouth. Just being friends was like a death sentence. But if that was what she wanted, then that would be what she got. She just wanted to be friends? That was her decision and he would honor it. 

"Is that what you really want?" He asked.

"I think that's what I need," she replied. 

"Then that's the way it will be," Chandler told her. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and smiled at her. "I'll call you when I get to New York and we can figure out when the best time for Annie to come is." She nodded and turned away. 

"Bye Chandler," she said softly.

"Goodbye Mon," he whispered. "I'm going to say goodbye to Annie and then I'll be gone." It was a plea. One more chance for her to tell him that she didn't want him to leave that she wanted him there with her. But she just nodded and let him walk out. After she had heard the front door close she collapsed into fits of sobs. That's how Rachel found her a half hour later when she came into the apartment. 

"What's the matter honey?" Rachel asked hugging her best friend. 

"I ruined everything!" Monica sobbed. 

"No you didn't sweetie, I'm sure you didn't," Rachel told her. 

"Yes, I did," Monica wailed. Rachel knew from experience that it was better just to let Monica calm down and then try to talk to her. It was no use, though, Monica had gotten it into her head that she just ruined the best thing that would happen to her, and Rachel didn't know what to say, because she thought that she might just have. 

__

A kiss, 

might insist that we play the game of lovers

and a touch, might give away too much

would my feelings be discovered

I don't know how to say goodbye to you

I'm not good at things that I don't want to do

should I pretend that I don't care

you don't feel what I feel is there

I don't know how to say goodbye

Back in New York, Chandler was not fairing well either. He had yelled at Ross for not telling him.

"She told me that it was Anthony's!" Ross had argued back. This just resulted in a phone call to Monica demanding what really was the truth. Monica had handed Ross the best way she knew how and after a talk, he had calmed down. Chandler missed her and Annie, and didn't have enough courage to call her up. That was his downfall. He knew what he wanted, but he never could go after it. And Monica, Monica didn't know what she wanted. She was sure that she didn't want to be with Chandler because she would end up hurt, but she didn't see that she was hurting herself more by not running to him. Rachel stayed out of it, because she knew Monica didn't want to hear what she thought. Everything seemed to be coming apart at the seams, and no one knew how to fix it. Once the gang had split, they had tried to piece their lives back together, but now the undeniable truth was slowly being revealed. There was no way to piece them back together. Not apart anyway. They needed to be together, and Monica was too stubborn and so was Chandler. 

"Why don't you just get on a plane and go to her?" Joey demanded after Chandler's third straight week of moping. 

"She wouldn't want me."

"How do you know that? Maybe she's as miserable as you!" Joey thought the thought of Monica being sad would snap Chandler out of his funk and get him on a plane to Seattle, but Chandler just ignored him. The phone rang and Joey answered it. 

"Hi," a little girl's voice said. "Is Chandler there?"

"Sure, hold on," Joey told her. He guessed this was Annie. "Hey, it's Annie." For the first time in awhile, his roommate's eyes lit up and he snatched the phone from Joey's grasp. 

"Hello?"

"Hi Chandler!"

"Hi Annie," Chandler smiled. A real smile, not the one that he plastered on his face when he wanted Joey or Ross or Phoebe to leave him alone. "What's the matter sweetheart?"

"Mommy's sad," Annie said. And Chandler knew it had to be bad. For her to show Annie that she was sad, that was enough to make him think that she was extremely upset. "All she does is cry."

"I'm sorry baby," he told her. 

"Will you come back out here? She didn't cry until you left." Maybe that's what we needed, Chandler thought. We needed this push.

"I'll be there honey," Chandler told her. 

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"I won't tell Mommy," Annie said. "We'll make it a surprise. For her to be happy."

"That sounds like a plan," Chandler said and finished the conversation and hung up the phone. He made a quick call to the airport to schedule his flight. 

"What's going on?" Joey asked curiously.

"I have to go to Seattle." End of discussion. Joey knew better than to push for more details.

__

would you be scared

if I just stayed here 

and let you know inside me

should I smile and walk away 

so my eyes don't betray me

Chandler's flight landed and he immediately grabbed a cab to Monica's apartment. He raced up the stairs. He could feel his heart beating in his chest. He didn't know how she would respond. He was afraid she would get like she could get and tell him that she was fine on her own and that she didn't want him there. He reached up his hand and knocked. Rachel answered. 

"Chandler?"

"Hi Rachel."

"What are you doing here?"

"I needed to talk to Monica."

"She's not home. It's just me and the kid."

"Where's Mon?"

"She had a date." He felt his heart fall through him and could feel it on the floor. She had a date. She was moving on. She was moving on without him. What he was feeling was the worst possible feeling in the world. "I'm sorry Chandler."

"For what?"

"She didn't want to go out with him. Todd and I forced her to. I'm sorry, I didn't know you were coming," she apologized again. 

"Rachel, you didn't do anything. Monica didn't do anything. No one did anything. I just came to see Annie." This was a lie and they both knew it, but Rachel had the good sense not to mention it. 

"Oh come in. Annie will be so happy to see you." Chandler stepped into the apartment. It smelled like her, it felt like her. Oh God, he couldn't handle this. He couldn't say goodbye to her. He would fight for her. He would make her see how good they were together. She had to see. Annie came running out and into his arms. 

"I've decided," she announced. "That I will start calling you Daddy. It just fits you know?" Chandler laughed.

"Yeah it does." We fit, Mon. He wanted to tell her. You and I. We fit. 

"Mommy's not home. She went out with Jim." 

"I know."

"She'll be home soon. Want to come watch a movie?" 

"Sure, honey." His mind was racing. He wouldn't give her up. He wouldn't give either of them up. He would make her see that they were good together. That Anthony and their past, that was buried in the past. Now they could be together. And they were going to be happy. Chandler rested his head against the couch and was content. He knew what he had to do. He hadn't known what to do in a long time, but he knew. Chandler would fix everything for her. And then she would see. 

__

I don't know how to say goodbye to you

I'm not good at things that I don't want to do

should I pretend that I don't care

you don't feel what I feel is there

I don't know how to say goodbye

I don't know how to say goodbye

I don't know how to say goodbye 

I don't know how to say goodbye

*~ I wanted to get this finished because I'm leaving for Virginia and will be gone for a week. But review please and tell me what you thought! Thanks!~*


	5. If You Want Me To

*~ I am back!!! I know that you are all thrilled. Virginia was so much fun! Meanwhile back at reality, I am trying to get all my homework done and got sidetracked, good for you as now I'm writing this. Someone said that the story kept mentioning how Chandler was going to hurt Monica, and as a side note, I know that she hurt him, but Monica is the only one thinking that he was going to hurt her. Anyway, I should just stop talking now, I've just confused myself. The song is by Ginny Owens.

Disclaimer: Oh, yeah, so they don't belong to me. Oh well. 

Chandler's mind was made up. Monica would be his. That was the end of the story, end of the discussion. He loved her. And she loved him. He just knew that she had to. Annie had fallen asleep on his lap. He loved the way that she just curled up in a ball and fit perfectly on his lap. Who was he kidding, he loved her. Everything about her. He understood now why fathers gave up even their own lives for their child. He would have easily given up anything for her. She had him wrapped around her finger and he had only known her for a short time. He heard the door click open and he turned slightly as not to wake Annie. Rachel stood up and walked to Monica.

"Mon?" 

"Hi Rachel," she said wearily. She was exhausted. Even her voice sounded tired. 

"Monica? We need to talk."

"Can we talk tomorrow?"

"No. Now. Someone is here."

"Who? Rachel, not another one of Todd's friends. Because this date tonight went....well, horrible." 

"I'm sorry about that...but Monica, Chandler's here." Chandler heard Monica stop in her tracks. 

"Chandler?"

"Yes."

"Is here?"

"Yes."

"In this apartment?"

"Yes."

"Right now?"

"Yes." 

"Oh God."

"Yes." Monica sighed and walked into the living room where Chandler still had Annie in his lap. 

"Hi," she managed to get out.

"Hi Monica. I just...I just...I missed Annie. She called and said that she wanted me here, and I came." That was the truth, after all. But he felt like he was lying to her. He felt as if he wasn't revealing the whole truth. Well, he wasn't. He wasn't about to tell her how he was irreversibly in love with her and that he would win her over again. He didn't say that. Joey had asked him how it was that he could forgive Monica.

"If it was me, man, I would be so angry with him," Joey had told him.

"I'm not mad Joe. She got hurt too. She still got burned by Anthony...and I love her. I just...love her." His downfall. His Achilles' heel. She was his Achilles' heel. So Joey didn't understand. He didn't understand why Chandler went back. He didn't understand, because he didn't know. Chandler loved her. Those were the facts. No amount of pain was going to change that fact. Even if he decided never to see her again, he would love her. He would love her forever. He now waited for her to speak. Tell him either to stay or to go. 

"Are you staying? " she whispered. 

"That depends on what you want." He waited again.

"I want you to stay." It was the first step. A small step, but a step none-the-less that told him that maybe she would want him to stay. For a night. For a lifetime. He didn't care. She leaned over and kissed Annie on the forehead. 

"I better get her to bed," she told him. 

"I'll do it," he offered. She shrugged and helped him up with Annie in his arms. He carried her to her bedroom and laid her in the bed. Monica smiled at him.

"You're good at that."

"I want to be good at everything with her," he confessed. "I want her to think that her father is the greatest man in the entire world."

"She will."

"Will she?"

"Sure," Monica said. "She loves you and she's only known you for a few weeks."

"That's the problem."

"What is?"

"She's only known me for a few weeks. Monica, I want to be around for everything from now on. So I've been thinking..."

"What about?" 

"I need to be close by you-her, I mean her."

"I can't move back to New York."

"I know. That's why I'm going to move here. Would that be okay?" A thousand things ran through Monica's head. Tell him no. Tell him no. But then there was that voice. That increasingly loud voice. Tell him yes. Tell him yes. Kiss him. Kiss him and hug him and make love to him. 

"I think that would be good for Annie." Another small step. Letting him stay for more than a night. Letting him stay for good. "Do you want me to make the couch for you tonight?"

"If that's okay," he tested. 

"That's fine." She left the room and got some blankets and pillows and began to make up the couch. Rachel had left. She had figured Monica and Chandler needed this time to themselves. Chandler climbed into the makeshift bed. 

"Thanks Mon," he told her. 

"You're welcome. Good night." 

"Good night," he whispered and watched her retreating figure in the soft hall light. 

__

The pathway is broken 

and the signs are unclear

and I don't know the reason 

why you brought me here

Just because you love me the way that you do

I'm going to walk through the valley 

if you want me to

The next few weeks were chaotic. Chandler had gotten the job transfer and had Monica and Rachel search for an apartment for him. They found the perfect one near Monica so that he could see Annie all the time and he began the preparations of moving out there. Monica didn't say, but she was nervous. Anytime Chandler was around, actually, she became nervous. Nervous and excited seemingly at the same time. She wanted him there, and at the same time she wanted him safely in New York. She was so confused. The phone rang and she answered. 

"Hello?"

"Monica!"

"Chandler?" 

"Guess where I am?"

"I don't know...New York?" 

"Seattle! I moved out a few days early. Can I talk to Annie?" 

"Sure," her head was spinning. She was supposed to have a few more days to prepare for his coming. Now she had merely hours, or even minutes. "Annie? Your dad is on the phone for you!" She listened for Annie's approaching footsteps and handed the phone off to her. It would be her fifth birthday soon. Monica was not ready for her baby girl to be five yet. Annie grabbed the phone excitedly and talked to her much adored father. 

"Are you really here Daddy?" Monica could now only hear the one side of the conversation. Annie seemed so happy that he would do that for her. He was quickly becoming everything that she had built up in her mind. Maybe even more. Monica loved the way they interacted. She was still wary of Chandler, but the way that Annie looked at him made it increasing easier to fall into his outstretched arms. He had made no attempt to hide that despite the fact he told her that he would respect any decision that she made, he desperately wanted her to chose his decision. Chose him. She wasn't at the point to be able to do that yet. She was closer, sure, but not there yet. 

"Hello?" Chandler found that Monica's door was open, so he made his way inside. "Monica? Annie?"

"Daddy! We're back here," Annie's small voice cried out. She came running out.

"Be careful in your new dress!" Monica cried out from the back. 

"Hi Daddy!" Annie jumped into her father's outstretched arms. 

"Wait, is it someone's birthday today?"

"Silly Daddy, you know it is."

"Whose? Mommy's?"

"No."

"Mine?"

"No," Annie giggled. "You know."

"Rachel's?"

"No, mine!"

"It's yours? No, because my Annie is not growing up."

"But I am."

"Unfortunately," Monica replied walking into the living room. Annie giggled again. 

"Mommy says that I'm not allowed to grow up," Annie told Chandler. "But she doesn't know that I'm going to anyway." With this Monica laughed as well and finished putting on her bracelet. 

"That's a pretty bracelet," Chandler commented. 

"You gave it to me," she told him.

"I remembered." There was a moment of silence that settled over the room. She didn't know what to say to him.

"I see," she came up with. She sounded so stupid. "Ready to go?" She asked Annie. Annie nodded and Chandler carried her out of the door. Monica closed it and locked it as they went to wait for the elevators. She sighed and leaned her head against the door. Why was this so hard? She joined Annie and Chandler in the elevator and rode down to the first floor. She got off and found Rachel and Todd waiting at the bottom. 

"Happy birthday princess!" Rachel cried holding her arms out to Annie who jumped into them.

"Thanks Aunt Rachel," Annie told her clinging around her neck. 

"You're choking me dear," Rachel told her. Annie giggled. 

"Can I ride with you?" She asked Rachel.

"You don't want to ride with your Mommy and Daddy?" Todd asked. 

"No, can I Mommy?"

"It's your birthday sweetie," Monica said. That meant that her and Chandler would be alone in the car together. 

"I want to ride with Aunt Rachel and Uncle Todd," Annie decided. 

"Okay, we'll meet you out there," Rachel told Monica and Chandler and took Annie and got into Todd's car.

"Just you and me kid," he said holding out his arm for Monica to take. 

"Apparently," she said softly. She remembered when he used to call her kid all the time. She found herself missing him more and more all the time. She was ready to throw in the towel and give in to him. They climbed into Chandler's car and he pulled out behind Rachel and Todd.

"I can't believe she's five," Monica said.

"I can understand that," Chandler said looking over at her and smiling. 

"Chandler?"

" Yes?"

"What's going on between us?"

"I don't know," he admitted. 

"You don't know?"

"That's what I said," he said. "I want to be with you, I made no attempt to hide that."

"But...you...Chandler, I don't..."

"Know," he interrupted. "You don't know. You don't know what you feel or what your supposed to feel....Monica, it's okay. I don't know what to feel either." He pulled over to the side of the road and looked at her and took her hands. "All I know is that I begin and end with you. It's always been that way." She began to cry. Softly at first and then the tears came harder and faster. 

"Chandler, I want to..." 

"We can take all the time you need. If you need a hundred years, I'd wait for you," he told her. 

"Chandler...I've always...I've always....I've always loved you," she admitted. "When I was with Anthony, when I was away from you...even now, when I'm refusing you. I'm still in love with you. I've decided, I don't want time, I don't want anything but you." He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He half wanted to pinch himself to make sure that what she was saying was actually the truth. He put his hand on her cheek and she wrapped her hand around his. "Kiss me." 

"Promise not to laugh this time?" He asked and she giggled. 

"It's a deal," she promised and he smiled and kissed her passionately. It felt so good, so right. He couldn't believe that it was happening. 

"Is this going to last?"

"I hope so," she whispered.

"But a few months ago...we tried and failed," he reminded her.

"I'm not the same person I was a few months ago." She kissed him again."And I want this to work. More than I've ever wanted anything." He grinned at her. 

"I think we may be a little late getting to the restaurant." 

__

Cause I'm not who I was

when I took my first step

and I'm clinging to the promise

you're not through with me yet

so if all of these trials

bring me closer to you

then I will go through the fire

if you want me to

Monica laid in Chandler's arms. She loved the feel of his strong arms wrapped tightly around her body. Two months. They had been dating for two months. They had been the greatest two months of her life so far. Annie loved the idea of her parents together. Chandler just loved having her by his side. He had lost her twice. Not three times. She wasn't going to slip away this time, and he had no intentions of letting her. He felt her stir in his grip and kissed her temple. 

"You awake?"

"Hmm-mmm," she mumbled. 

"I take that as a yes," he whispered. He kissed her again and then she rolled over so that she was looking up into his eyes.

"How did I get so lucky?" She asked. 

"You were a really good little girl," he replied. 

"That explains it doesn't it?" She teased. 

"I think it might," he told her and kissed her again. 

"Chandler?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you happy?"

"I didn't think that I could be this happy," he told her.

"Really?"  
"Monica, I love you. I love Annie. I love being here with you. I'm happy. You don't ever have to worry about me not being happy. I will be. I am." That of course, was the answer she was looking for so she rewarded him with a kiss. 

"The wedding is in a week," she said. 

"I know."

"Rachel's going to make a beautiful bride," Monica said. 

"And you will make a beautiful maid of honor and Annie will make an adorable flower girl." He paused searching for the right words. "Do you think that you may want to get married soon?" It was an honest question, but he was afraid of her answer. He was afraid of what she would say. 

"I've dreamt of the perfect wedding my entire life, and the perfect groom. You are my perfect groom," she kissed him on the nose. "Yes, I think about getting married. Does that scare you?"

"It would have scared me if the answer was something different," he confessed. 

"That's a good answer," she replied. 

"I was waiting until after Rachel's wedding, but since it came up," he said pulling out a small box and placing it ever so gently in her hand. She gasped. It had only been two months... this couldn't be what she thought it was. She pried open the edges and smiled at the glittering ring inside.

"Oh Chandler," she whispered. 

"So what's the answer?" He asked. 

"The answer is yes...but it's only been two months. Are you ready for this?"

"I've never been more sure about anything. Monica, I want to marry you, and make you and me and Annie an official family," he kissed her. "So yes? The answer is yes?"

"What else would it be?" She asked and kissed him again. All he ever wanted was now laying in his arms. He couldn't be happier. She was going to marry him. For once he wasn't afraid of commitment. He was embracing it. A chance to make her his forever. 

__

You may not be 

what I would have chosen

when you lead me through a world that's not my home

but you never said it would be easy

you only said I never go alone

Monica flipped through the wedding album in front of her. She couldn't believe that she had been married for six months. It seemed like yesterday that he came to her restaurant and asked her for coffee. She smiled and twisted the ring around her finger and got up and placed the album in the box with the other picture albums and framed pictures. She closed the box and taped it up. She took a marker and wrote in big bold black letters: PICTURES. She then set the marker down and went back to wrapping the glasses to put in a box she would label kitchen. Her and Chandler had bought a house in the suburbs that she had fallen in love with the first moment that she had seen it. There was a knock on the door and she ran to answer it. There was a man standing there and her mouth dropped open at the sight of him. 

"Anthony?" She barely whispered. He gave her a slight smile. 

"Hi Monica."

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you."

"Why?" She had this uncontrollable urge to slap him and wanted him out of the apartment as soon as possible. 

"Because I miss you."

"After six years?"

"Yes, Monica, I love you."

"No you don't," she said and went to close the door in his face and he noticed the bright flash of the ring. 

"You're married?" She nodded. "To who?"

"Chandler, and he'll be home any minute with our daughter, so you better leave."

"You married Chandler?" He practically shouted it in her face.

"I did."

"Why?"

"Because I love him."

"You loved me."

"Not anymore." Anthony kicked the door slightly with his foot. 

"I'm sorry Monica."

"Really?"

"Yes. I never meant to hurt you. I did honestly love you."

"I don't think you could love anyone Anthony. Will you please leave?" He didn't listen and pushed his way inside. 

"Moving?"

"Anthony leave." 

"I just want to talk to you."

"Please, leave!" She was upset now. She wanted Chandler home. She wanted Anthony gone. 

"You really want me gone?" He asked.

"Yes." He looked at her and smiled sadly at her. 

"You were the one that got away," he told her. 

"You weren't," she answered. It had taken her a long time to get here and she was happy. She opened the door and held it open for him. "Goodbye Anthony." 

"Bye Monica," he leaned forward to kiss her and she ducked out of the way.

"You don't deserve that," she informed him and watched him walk down to the elevator and wave to her as the doors shut. He was gone. He was out of her life forever. An hour later her door opened again and Chandler and Annie came running in.

"Mommy! There's a swing set in the yard!" Annie shouted excitedly. Chandler had taken her to see the new house. 

"That's great sweetie," Monica told her daughter who ran to her room to finish packing. Chandler wrapped his arms around his wife's waist and listened to her tell him who had come to see her today.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I loved telling him off. I just adored that feeling," she admitted. He laughed.

"That's wonderful to hear," he said and she laughed along with him.

"Things seem to be falling into place," she said. 

"They sure do." He kissed her. "I love you."

"Yeah you do." He pulled away and pretended to look hurt. 

"Just kidding," she added and kissed him back. "I love you too." 

__

so when the whole world turns against me

and I'm all by myself

and I can't hear you answer

my cries for help

I remember the suffering 

your love put you through

and I'll go through the valley

if you want me to

~ I wanted to add Anthony in one last time. I hope that you enjoyed it and please review and tell me what you thought. Tell me if this was an okay ending or if it needs a different ending. Thanks! ~


End file.
